My Plans That Soar, To Earth May Fall

Phoebe

2010-07-18T09:35:00.003-05:00

Here's a few pics of Phoebe so far this summer. She is growing up soooo fast!

How Precious Is Your Steadfast Love

2010-07-15T08:34:00.002-05:00

I've been really meditating on Psalm 36 the past few days--it has been such a comfort to me! I would like to share it with you all.

36:5-9 Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God; your judgments are like the great deep; man and beast you save, O LORD. How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.

My thoughts have been so scattered--coming and going--twirling like a whirlwind. I couldn't seem to focus and Iwasn't sure what to feel. When I found these verses, it was like an immediate silence came over and it calmed me. The Lord definitely led me to this passage to show me how great He is and that He is soverign over all things, including my pain and my loss. Because I kept asking God, "why?!"

The Lord has blessed us so abundantly--materially and spiritually! The Father sent His Son to be cruelly subjected to a death that I can't even imagine and yet, I would deny my child the grace of heaven. If the pregnancy wasn't going right and Reagan would have been born in pain, being with God is infinitely better than anything that we could have offered him/her here. My selfishness astounds me and shames me.

God, in His redemptive grace has changed my heart and my thoughts. I long, even more than I did, for Jesus' coming and the renewing of all things so that we may be all that we were meant to be, so that all our thoughts may be directed towards the good of others and to the glory of Christ. I have all that to look forward to as well as meeting Reagan.

Thank you all--family and friends--for your love and prayers. We have felt them and we thank God so much for all your support. It is SO good to know you are all here and how great must be the Father's love for us to be so blessed.

We love you!
Shinae

Reagan Warren

2010-07-12T15:11:00.002-05:00

Today, July 12th, 2010--our baby Reagan Warren went to be with Jesus. Some of you knew that we were expecting, and to others this is a total surprise.

I started to bleed significantly this morning and had an ultrasound this afternoon and found out that we miscarried. It has been an a trying day for us, to say the least--but God has been so faithful and full of grace! The healing process has already begun and both Josh and I know that little Reagan is with God and one day, we will get to meet him/her.

Physically, I'm okay. There's no complications and even the cramping is not bad. Emotionally, I think this will be a long journey. I know in my head that Reagan is in a better place and that he/she will never have to know suffering and pain-but I sure do miss him. Our hearts hurt and I'm not sure quite how to deal with that. There's been lots of tears already and I'm sure there will be more to come. The most important thing is that God be glorified in this, even though it is so painful and that we trust Him to know and do what is right and good. And He is good!

I think it will be hard to talk about the baby for awhile, but don't feel bad to talk to me about it--please. I won't say that I would love to talk about it, but I'm not against it. I don't know if that makes sense.

Anyways, thank you for all your prayers--those of you who have been with us along the way, and thank you to those of you that will be praying for us.

Shinae

My little Bella

2009-09-19T14:29:00.008-05:00

My little Phoebe Bella was born on September 3rd, 2009 at 8:07pm! She weighed 10 pounds 1 1/2 ounces and was 20 inches long! I did a natural waterbirth and cannot imagine how much more difficult it would have been if I had not been in the water! Even after two weeks, it amazes me that Josh and I went through 19 hours of labor before Phoebe was born. She continues to delight us in ways we never dreamed of! Little Bella is such a beautiful baby in every way! I don't think we could think of anything to complain about--even after the glucose scare at her birth.
So, enough talking and here are some pictures of her!

Baby Shower

2009-08-05T12:17:00.006-05:00

This picture is me at 32 weeks. I am getting HUGE! I've gained 30 pounds so far (and I'm at 34 weeks now) and getting bigger everyday--or so it seems! :) Our baby girl is growing so much; it is absolutely incredible how active she is--kicking and rolling around inside of me. She likes to wake me up at two hour intervals already--kicking and bouncing on my bladder and make me crave ice hour after hour. Hehe! I've been very thankful it hasn't been something horrible like candy bars or McDonalds! Then I would be a blimp!

Dee and Dana (Josh's family on his Dad's side--his step mom and step sister) threw a shower for Phoebe the last weekend in July. This was the BEST cake I have EVER tasted and the by far, the cutest! Thanks SO much, Dana! And thanks Dee, Martha, and Dana for ALL the work you put into it. We received so many wonderful gifts--we can't wait to try it out, even the diapers! And we got LOTS of those; I am NOT complaining. Diapers are EXPENSIVE!

Thanks also to Joy and Scott for hosting a BBQ at their house on Sunday! It was delicious and thank you Jenny and John; Jason, Jana and Hannah; Grammy; Aunt Annette; and Scott and Joy for all the gifts!

We can't wait! There's only 6 weeks left!

Week 30

2009-07-09T08:33:00.004-05:00

Today is week 30. It's sad to say that I haven't written for almost 9 weeks!!! Ugh!

Time is soaring by and I can't believe that in 70 days, give or take a few, the little babe is gonna be here! There's still so much to do like washing all the clothes and blankets for her, packing, pre-registering for the hospitalization, showers, doctor's visits, packing suitcases...etc. Thankfully, there's still a bit of time between now and September.

I can't WAIT to see her and hold her. I've been daydreaming about what she's like and the care she is going to need and so far there's only been peace and excitement. I am so incredibly thankful that I'm not too worried about the labor...yet. The prospect of finally seeing the baby is outweighing the fear. All I'm hoping for is that she'll be a week early--I feel like I'm getting huge, perhaps like a whale or a hippo. Probably more like a hippo, since they waddle. :)

Josh and I are looking forward to seeing everyone this summer--no matter how short the visit may be. Hopefully we can all be together for Christmas, at least! Love you all!

21 Weeks

2009-05-07T14:00:00.002-05:00

This is me at 18 weeks, but today, I'm at 21 weeks. I've been really bad about taking pictures of my belly. Hopefully someday soon I'll get it together and actually take one every week. It is simply crazy that we're half-way through the pregnancy--I am anxiously waiting to see what the baby looks like and really, I just want to hold her in my arms and cuddle. :) 40 weeks seems so close, yet soooo far off. There is so much to do between now and then.

The next big step is moving. Already my back is aching and knowing I still have majority of the packing to do seems overwhelming. I'm really thankful that Josh has been incredibly supportive of me doing only a little at a time. I'd rather be cleaning than packing, but I suppose that too, will come soon enough. Anna was very helpful on Saturday and helped me go through papers and load most of our books into boxes. Slowly but surely, things are getting done. It has been rather frustrating not being able to lift the way I used to. Things will be much easier once we're done moving and summer's here.

We had our sonogram last Wednesday. Our little girl is very very very active. During the ultrasound, we couldn't get her to lie still to even find out what the sex was. We had to poke and prod quite a bit to figure it out. Still, it was amazing to watch...and feel! She kicks an awful lot, especially when I'm driving in the car. My guess is she doesn't like the tight seatbelt, but who knows? It makes me smile when I can feel her--except when she's dancing on my bladder or kicking my organs. That doesn't feel so good.

Everything seems more real now, especially since we can call her by name and have seen that she's doing well. It was so neat to see that she's pretty much grown...actual arms and legs rather than buds, and eyes, nose and mouth. She's so beautiful! I am so happy that she has girl cousins so close in age to play with. It will be really fun when they're a little older and can play dress-up, giggle and laugh. I'm already looking forward to that. I will DEFINITELY need to get in the habit of using the camera by then. I don't want to forget or miss out on a thing!

I had a fun surprise yesterday. I bought a box of Golden Grams (they looked delicious on the shelf). So, for breakfast/lunch, I had 3 bowls of it! Anyways, as I was eating and looking at the box, there was a promotion (advertisement?) on the front saying, "You can be a cash prize winner--just look inside the box!" Of course, I excitedly took out the bag of cereal and looked and I found a $5.00 cash card inside. Yay! I NEVER win any prizes, so it totally made my day. It's not much, but it definitely covered the cost of my cereal. :)

18 Weeks

2009-04-15T08:49:00.002-05:00

Josh and I went to our 18 week appointment yesterday. The last appointment was at 12 weeks--at that time we could barely hear the baby's heartbeat, but yesterday... WOW! His/her heartbeat was very strong!!! Yay, and it also relieved a lot of my fears and stress when the midwife assured me everything was going well and... that I'm normal.

I can hardly believe I'm in my 5th month already. Time is going by unbelievably fast, and there are days when I'm ready for the baby to be here; I am quite anxious to hold him/her in my arms and see what he/she looks like. I have guesses and feelings about the gender, but we shall see in two weeks. Originally, we had intended to wait until 22 weeks, but the midwife recommended that we do it at 20. It's so exciting that it hardly feels real. Then, there are of course my bad days--when I'm worrying about the health of the baby, or wondering if I will be a good mom. I'm sure every mother-to-be go through these anxieties, but sometimes knowing that isn't very comforting either.

I'm still sick almost everyday. The midwife was a little concerned about my lack of weight gain--oh well. Hopefully I won't be queasy too much longer. It's rather funny that I haven't gained weight, because I do get ravenously hungry every hour or so now adays. Once I'm done teaching, I will devote more time to the fridge and the grocery store. Which reminds me, I went to Kowalski's in Uptown on my way to pick up Josh. I had a grocery list in hand (I was quite surprised that I remembered it) and proceeded to go down every aisle to look for my items. Well, when I arrived at the check-out counter, to my surprise--I hadn't bought a single item on my list, but I had put items in my cart that sounded yummy to me at the time I passed them by. Needless to say, I bought them all (which ended up being rather expensive) and enjoyed myself immensely. I'm still not quite sure if that was a good or bad thing. Sigh. Hopefully, next time I will be able to control myself and buy only the things I need. :)

Well, I'll be sure to let you all know what the gender of the baby is in two weeks! We DO have names picked for both boys and girls, but I"m not sure if we're keeping it a secret or sharing. I guess we'll have to decide soon.

SCARY!

2009-03-20T12:16:00.004-05:00

So, I'm at 14 weeks now. Totally excited about the 2nd trimester! But today's post is not about our precious little baby.

I've been taking Josh to work now for the past month or two--since the Audi went kaput! And, almost every morning (unless I am very hormonal and angry) we listen to KTLK on our way to Uptown. I hate politics, I hate thinking about it, and most of all I hate listening to it. Today on the Chris Baker's show, there was a very enlightening and frightening conversation. If this doesn't wake people up, I have NO IDEA what will.

MN state Senator Dick Day was on the show today and talked about how our (ahem) republican governor was "exploring" the idea regarding how to bring in more revenue for our illustrious state without raising income tax. Of course, the democratic state that MN is, we would want to follow the example of Oregon by legislating satellite devices into our cars so that we may be taxed on how many miles we drive. They not only want to legislate and monitor how much we drive, but they want to tell us where we can live (like we need to be within a certain mile radius from our work) and incrase property tax for the incompetent metro transit system (i.e. the $900 mil lightrail system that really doesn't help people that live in rural areas). So, bottom line? Goodbye freedom! Goodbye capitalism and hello socialism... and then some!

Is this not scary enough for you? Well, let's move on to Washington. So, the Congress is voting to tax 90% of the bonus the certain individuals received from AIG. I don't know enough about AIG to say if these people deserve the bonuses... that's not the point. The money they received is money that they were contracted for. That means that legally, AIG was obligated to pay out that debt using whatever money they had. The government had not put any stipulations as to how AIG was supposed to use the bailout money. Now, if the president signs this bill and it goes through, then the government is using taxes as a punishment. By what right does the US government have to punish those who are receiving payment for a contract that was negotiated? How far will our government go to own us? They keep raising taxes, they bailout companies that should be going bankrupt (so that those companies in turn can raise their prices and cut jobs), and they spend OUR tax money like there is no tomorrow! It is a vicious, never-ending-circle that will not stop... that cannot stop until the government steps out of the private sector and stops spending money on useless things (like infrastructures...i.e. the bridge to nowhere). The president is supposed to protect and uphold the constitution and if he signs this, it is a clear violation of the constitution and he should be impeached! Not that it will change much, but it would be a step in the right direction!

Okay. That's enough ranting. My blood was boiling this morning and I just had to get it out. :) Thank goodness I have other things to occupy my thoughts.

13 Weeks

2009-03-12T16:48:00.002-05:00

The baby and I are at 13 weeks today. I am so happy we're past the 1st trimester! I can definitely tell the changes in my body now: the soft bulge in my belly, fingernails growing like crazy and let's not even talk about my hair! LOL! Everything's growing and that's good.

Last Thursday, Josh and I were able to listen to the baby's heartbeat. The midwife assured us that the heartbeat is quite strong and everything seems to be going well. Yay! I am still fighting fatigue and nausea--I'm really praying that those symptoms will fade in the next few weeks. It's definitely no fun when foods you usually enjoy makes you sick. I get quite sad when I have to pass up meat, although Big Macs seem to settle pretty well in my tummy. It is so weird!

Today, Josh went to a Star of Excellence luncehon and was able to get off early. He promised to bring me something to eat on his way home and I really hope he finds some dessert along the way. I am craving cake, donuts, pies... anything sweet except candy! Hopefully it won't last too long so I don't look like a hippo by September! :)

My Thoughts

2009-02-20T09:40:00.003-06:00

Well, the baby is 10 weeks and 1 day today. I can't believe how the time is passing, though I know I still have long ways to go.

I wonder if being pregnant makes you think a lot more. I've been up early every morning and I can't seem to stop thinking... thinking about the baby, money, housing, blah blah! Things that I don't really have any control over and I do pray about them, but ugh, my thoughts are out of control! I think it's mostly because my hormones are going crazy and I'm getting irrational and emotional (which REALLY doesn't help!), hehe! It has been really encouraging to talk to other moms so I can gauge how I'm doing-I've been really happy that everyone has been so willing to share with me.

Sometimes as I'm laying at night, I feel so overwhelmed with all the things that I think I should be doing or should have done. I feel like I've never been this tired, even when I used to stay up all night with friends or at college! I think one day last week, I dropped Josh off at work at 8am, came home went back to sleep until 1pm, then fell back asleep (after picking Josh up) at 6 and didn't wake up until the next morning. Strange! I suppose I should store it since I will be needing it after the baby is born.

Well, I think I'm done with the tirade for now. :) I'm looking forward to March--it seems like a lot of things are happening that month. I have another appointment on the 5th, Josh's B-day is the 6th, and I have a recital on the 7th! I pray that everything goes well.

8 Weeks

2009-02-06T09:33:00.003-06:00

So, Josh and I went to see the midwife yesterday. I'm exactly 8 weeks pregnant, which means that Wee One is due September 17th! LOL-all the cousins so far will have to celebrate their birthdays together!

Wow! What an experience. We were in our appointment for 2 hours, but the time flew by SO fast! I had a physical, we tried to listen for the baby's heartbeat, but he's too little yet-so thankfully we were able to get an ultrasound that day! Yay!

It was amazing to see him in my belly, still so little, tiny...his little heart was beating so fast! I couldn't stop smiling as we looked at him. Josh will put up the ultrasound pics on his blog, but I wanted to put a color one of a baby in its 8th week. That's what he should be looking like, with a big head, body and little itty bitty arm and leg buds. He's less than an inch long 1.0+ cm--just a wee little one yet.

Seeing him made this pregnancy more real than when we took the test and have it turn positive. It definitely made me more emotional and love the baby even more than I already did. I am awed by the responsibility that we have of raising our baby--keeping him safe, caring for his physical, emotional and spiritual needs. It also makes me pray harder and more often than I ever had, knowing that God has gifted us with this child. It's such a beautiful thing--at this moment in time, I feel as though our lives are so full--I feel overwhelmed!

I'm still hungry and tired all the time, but the nausea seems to be receding its ugly little head. I only hope that it continues to stay away. I so detest being sick! Anyways, I can't wait until the next appointment-that's when the Wee One's going to be exactly 12 weeks! He'll actually have arms and legs!

HUNGRY!!!

2009-01-25T07:25:00.007-06:00

I am hungry ALL the TIME!!! Hungry when I'm sleeping so that I will wake up, hungry when I wake so I have to get up...hungry every hour of every day. I never knew how much time eating took! I'm not having cravings, I just eat whatever is in sight. :) Everyone I've talked to assures me that it is normal, but I just wonder...

Thankfully, I really enjoy fruits and vegetables. All the articles I've been reading really pushes those food groups, so apples, oranges, bananas, and V8s have been my in-between-meals snacks. I'm hoping that the hunger pains will slow down soon, but who knows? I'm interested in seeing how much more my body changes between now and the next 7 months. Even though it is still early in the pregnancy, I'm already counting down the months to see the Wee One. I have my first appointment with the midwife in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm praying that everything is good and the baby's growing well and is healthy. Josh and I've already picked names, but I wonder if we won't decide on something else once we see him/her. Before I was pregnant I was hoping for a boy, but now I will be happy with a healthy baby no matter what gender.

I am very tempted to go out and shop for baby things. We've been going to a few stores looking at cribs, strollers, car seats...I even looked at diapers! LOL! I wish we knew what gender the baby was so I could at least buy one outfit, but that won't be for some weeks yet. As all of you know, waiting is NOT one of my attributes. :) We'll be sure to let all of you know once we do find out! :)

2009-01-20T07:25:00.006-06:00

Well, I am absolutely amazed by the fact that we are going to have a baby. Josh and I have been trying since May of 2008...not too hard, but still, every month was a disappointment when Auntie Flo (LOL) arrived. It was when we finally gave it up to God--praying that we will be patient and wait on His time rather than ours that it seemed to happen. Funny enough, we didn't know for almost two months that we were!

I'm very grateful that it seems to be going really well. I have nausea throughout the day, but never throwing up-just the uncomfortable feeling that lasts for a few minutes. As I've been reading about the development of the baby, the cramps I've been having is my uterus stretching. I will be more at peace about that after I see the midwife. I'm not quite sure about the due date because I can't remember when my last period was, but it definitely was before Thanksgiving. I'm thinking I'm between 6-8 weeks. We'll know more when I get an ultrasound. I feel so overwhelmed! I feel joy and fear at the same time, praying that everything is going well, that we would be good parents, making sure to eat right...books and internet are SO helpful.

I'll post again after we see the midwife and get an ultrasound. I can't wait!

X-Mass Approaches

2008-12-21T18:32:00.006-06:00

Well, I tried to put pictures to this, but the computer is not cooperating with me.

Anyways, I can't believe Christmas is just days away! This year has gone by so fast--so much so that it doesn't seem like it is Christmas time. I am having a difficult time trying to get into the "mood". I usually love this time year--getting ready to entertain, buying/making gifts, decorating...but all I'm feeling is the stress and crankiness! I think it is because I haven't seen friends or family in a while. After all, what is all the hustle and bustle without loved ones? :) I am praying that I will be in the Christmas-cheer by Christmas.

I am looking forward to seeing everyone and having a wonderful time. It seems ages since we were all together last and though I love being all grown up (...hmm, are we ever all grown up??), I miss seeing family and friends everyday. Josh and I are counting down the days to have the Warren Brunch and exchanging gifts and just hanging out. Can't wait!

Marriage Retreat

2008-09-18T11:07:00.002-05:00

Josh and I went to Faith's Marriage Retreat this past weekend. It was a great experience and a great time to just spend time together with each other and other couples.

At first, I was really uncertain about whether we should go...I felt like we would be the youngest couple there--and we were. We also were the only couple without kids. However, after the first few minutes, it was much more welcoming.

It's amazing how God's timing works. At the retreat, I thought how Josh and I had it "together" now, since we had to work through so many issues the past year. Well...guess what? The work's never over! I learned just how arrogant and prideful I was (lol) and that there is SO much MORE to work on. I didn't feel overwhelmed, but rather excited at the propsect! Wow! God does work miracles...haha!

I am so thankful we went and I feel like God has revealed so much to me over that weekend. I hope and pray that His Spirit continues to work in our lives and our marriage to glorify Himself further.

The biggest lesson I learned was no matter how righteous I feel in my anger toward Josh (when we have a fight), he and I are more alike in our most sinful moments than I would ever be righteous. Even if I am right, the suffering of Christ on the Cross is more important than my indignation of being wronged. Wow!

How long has it been?!

2008-07-21T09:32:00.002-05:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I've updated my blog. Time passes by so quickly!

A lot has happened since May. Josh and I moved to our new place--thank you everyone who helped! It was a blessing to have such generous family and friends. Josh also bought me a blue baby grand piano so I can start teaching from home. I haven't started yet, but very hopeful that it will happen soon.

God has been working in great ways to bring Josh and me closer to Him and us to each other. It never ceases to amaze me God's provision for us in all we do. He has slowly been making us aware of our dependence on Him through our everyday-lives and it has been such joy to see it unfold. Josh and I are so thankful for Pastor Tim's wisdom, his understanding of God's Word and his gift of relaying that on Sunday mornings. Christ has been unveiling and making Himself known through Tim's teachings and I am humbled and grateful for that.

My downfall is (and always has been) trying to reach perfection. When I fail, it frustrates me and I get so angry and upset that I couldn't make it on my own. I think sometimes I fail on purpose to feel in control, to say that I did that on purpose in order to maintain some semblance of pride, arrogance...and control. For the longest time, though I thirsted for God, I wanted to maintain my grip on life--to do what I want and not let God reign supreme in me. However, I've come to realize that cannot happen--it is either God or me.

Sometimes the lessons we learn are so painful and this was one of those times. There have been so many situations in my life when I was powerless and because of those situations, I have been fearful of giving all of myself to God. But the joy that comes from the release of the burdens I carried is worth far more than any fear that I have had or will have. It hurt for awhile and I am sure I will fail many more times, but I can only be awed by God's grace and forgiveness for my shortcomings.

That was the highlight of my week. Josh and I are having Anna and Yo Jung over this weekend. We are excited for all the activities that are planned--hopefully we will have great weather for it.

2008-05-20T20:15:00.000-05:00

So it's down to crunch time for us...packing, moving, cleaning.
I am absolutely amazed as to how fast time flies when there
is so much to do! However, since many of my students have
dropped off for the summer, I am able to devote a little more
time to the packing. Thankfully, Josh has the week off before we move to help. So far, I've packed the living room and the front closet. Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed when I look around and see all the "stuff" we've collected the past two years.

On a more fun note, Josh and I got to spend all day Sunday with Mom and Dad. My hands got dirty playing in the dirt weeding and Josh spiffied-up the car. :) Over all, it was a nice, relaxing Sunday for us.

Even though there is so much to do, I am definitely looking forward to moving into the town home. I can't wait to put everything in its place and make it into a home for us. Yay for more space and storage!

Life-change

2008-04-10T09:28:00.000-05:00

It has been a very calm week for me, which is great! Not to say that I don't enjoy being busy, but it is nice just to take a deep breath before the craziness starts up again. I never realized how much I enjoy others taking spring break until I started teaching piano. :)

In the midst of this slow week, I decided that I wanted to make a few life changes. I had some rough ideas at the beginning of this year, but never wrote them down...so I decided to write some goals this week.

First is to be more positive. I feel like I'm an optimist, but I seem to get into a negative mind-set lately. It's so difficult at times to trust God when things seem uncertain--and as many of you know, there are a lot of unknowns in my life at this time.

Next, I don't know about everyone else, but I've come to realize how important it is to have a "healthy" lifestyle. And I don't mean the fad diets, eating oats and grass-type of thing, but truly changing our minds and our habits to be good to our bodies. It's so easy to get caught-up worrying about how I look, if I'm overweight--just what other people think. But, I've been reading Scripture and really praying about it, and I feel like God has really challeneged me to become a better steward of my body; not for vanity, but for the fact that it is a gift and we should treat it with respect. So yesterday as a start, I joined Lifetime and signed up for various classes like: kickboxing, yoga, pilates and a spinning class. Knowing myself, trying to get up to just "exercise" wasn't going to cut it, so by signing up for these free classes, I feel like I have the motivation to go. :) After this, I went online and found some great low-fat, low-calorie recipes that I'm going to start cooking. It would be awesome if we could all encourage each other to live healthier. I know that when I'm working out regularly, it helps me to have a more positive attitude and more energy.

Friends

2008-04-01T10:23:00.000-05:00

Wow, this past weekend has been crazy for me! I started a second job involving social work and unfortunately, due to different circumstances, I couldn't get around to it til this past weekend. I had to visit 9 residents within a 2 day time and, I must say, it was very intense. In addition, some of my friends were getting together (people I haven't seen for awhile) so, of course I stayed up into the wee hours with them on Friday and Saturday. Let's just say I'm extremely sleep-deprived!

This posting is about my thoughts on friends. It has been so hard, getting older, to make new friends. I have 3 friends that are very close to me, but not more than that. So, when they are busy and I have some free time, its difficult to know what to do with some of this time--especially if Josh is busy as well. I have come to realize that I really need that "girl time" chatting and laughing--even if it's about nothing. Very late Friday night...around 2-3am at Perkins, my friends and I were hanging out, and I overheard a conversation of two girls in the next booth. It wasn't anything important...just two girls talking. Call it late-night craziness or a large dose of friendliness, I turned around and started talking with them. They were sisters, Lindsey and Abby. Lindsey was waiting for a phone call from a guy in Hawaii. So, while they waited, we visited.

To make the long story short, Lindsey and I exchanged phone numbers and wow! It's one of the neatest thing that's happened in awhile...I made a new friend out of the blue! I think that God knew I needed another friend in my life--and we'll see! It was pretty strange, because I am NOT an extrovert at all and it scares me a little to talk to strangers, but I guess it pays to be friendly and be a little outgoing.

Guess What Happened??

2008-03-27T08:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, one of my student's mom ran in to the driver's side of the red car. As you can see in the picture, it's pretty scraped up...I can't even open the driver's side.

So, today I'm going to drop it off at the auto body shop and pray that they do a great job. :)

It was rather an adventure, trying to figure all this out and fortunately for us, the family is footing all the of the costs, including the rental car. I suppose it is as it should be, but I still feel awful about what happened. The funny thing is that the car was parked and I was inside. This will definitely make me a more cautious driver.

I hope y'all will have a great day! Oh yeah, I still haven't heard back from the company...will post it if I do.

Sad, sad story

2008-03-18T18:31:00.000-05:00

This is a sad story of one of my friend's friends. I wanted to share it because I could empathize with her pain. I changed the names.

Anne is a Korean adoptee like me, abused in every way imaginable before she was adopted. It scarred her, leaving her bitter and distrusting of any love offered. Funny enough, as she grew older, like me, she vowed to never marry and to never have children that could get hurt the way she did. But one day, she met a man. No matter how hard she tried to get away, he pursued her with diligence, patience and kindess and won her heart. He seemed like the handsome prince she longed for and she felt no fear being with him. Anne had never been so happy and she and her handsome prince married. Two years into Anne's marriage, her handsome prince turned from an adoring, attentive husband

into demanding, self-righteous, mean man. Never harming her
physically, but hurting her heart and spirit with harsh tones

and cruel words. So once again, Anne vowed to never trust another with her heart. She turned against the man she once loved and she tried to start anew...new job, new place to live, new life...and wondered if there would be any happiness in this life for her.

Slowly again, a new man came into her life. He was unlike she had ever known; he seemed so very beautiful to her, not only physically, but in every way imaginable. Anne fell in love again, but this time, fearfully. His eyes were so bright and full of life, and his smile like the sunshine. She felt her heart slowly melt. Anne wanted to give him all the love she had inside, to ease his hurts and give him everything he could ever want. She wanted forever with him, to be able to look in his eyes, to be held and loved by him and to share his love for life and all its adventures. One day, she told him of her love and hoped with everything in her that he felt the same. When she declared her love to him, he smiled his smile and told her he knew, but did not tell her that he loved her back. Anne had never been so embarassed, or so horrified with herself for speaking her feelings.

In desperation, she went to another man's arms to try and forget her pain and him. After, all she felt was more pain and disgust with herself; she had betrayed herself and the man she loved. When Anne could bear it no longer, she told him of her actions. He was grave, hurt, and jealous. How could he not? Did she not speak of her love, then gone to another? Even though this happened, they still talked, shared parts of their lives with each other, and again, she told him she loved him. When he told her he loved her, she felt as if she could fly and that nothing could bring her down again. I wish I could say they are together and happy, but they aren't. Anne went to other lovers' arms again, even though she loved this man. Even she can't answer to why she acted this way. So she went to him, ashamed, hurting and asked him to never speak to her or talk to her, because she couldn't bear it. It hurt too much to be near him and know that nothing could ever come of it except friendship because she acted horribly. Selfishly, Anne asked to never to see each other again. However, in her heart of hearts, she hoped he would refuse, jump up and hold her, tell her he loved her still and that he wanted to be with her. He didn't. He told her that he wanted friendship and wanted to talk as before, but the choice was hers and she couldn't decide when she looked into his eyes.

Maybe after reading this, he will realize just how sorry she is and that if he could ever trust her, maybe she could still love him, talk to him and even be with him someday.

This is all I know. I wish I could give it a happy ending because I like good endings...you guys all know that I like romantic stories (sadly, ;)). This story really got to me because I kind of understand how she feels. The emptiness that one feels inside when you think no one loves you. After you read this, if any of you wants to talk about my past, please call me and I will share it with you. It made me realize just how precious all of you guys are to me and that yes, even though I don't say it often, I do love all of you. One more thing, you know who you are, so please talk to me after reading this.

2008-03-13T07:40:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to update you on how my interview went on Tuesday. When I arrived to the office, I met with Phyllis, the office manager. I'm not quite sure how to word it, but she basically told me that she thought I would get very bored with this job. The people in the office know me pretty well, and while I appreciate her honesty, I really didn't want to hear that. To make the long story short, I do have a second interview in the near future (next week or so). I'm just praying really hard, trying to trust God to provide.

Anyway, I really liked this picture as it reminds me of summer. Can't wait! Blessings!

2008-03-10T21:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Josh and I arrived to church just in time for the early service at 8:45. We had stayed up late the night before, having forgotten about daylight savings, Josh played his birthday present and I read. We stayed up until around midnight (which in actuality was more like one, since the time change), then had to get up early to make our trek to Hudson. Let's just say it wasn't pretty when it was time for me to get up. :) After the service, Josh went to lifeshaping while I read Frank Pretti in the church library. It was nice to just sit in the quiet and read a fun book. We then stopped at Mom and Dad's for tater-tot hotdish, which was AMAZING! Josh and I were able to see how Anna was faring as well, since she has been so sick lately. It is wonderful how drugs are available to us...Anna was doing well and I got to help her study her chemistry test. It was a fun time to be had.

Jerry, Josh's dad, drove up to Maple Grove to take us out for dinner that evening. It was a late birthday get together for Josh's 27th birthday. It was great to catch up with the news from Des Moines and the food was yummy as well.

I would love it if you would all think of me tomorrow. I have an interview with the company I work for now for a different position. We'll just see what God has in store.

Hope everyone will enjoy the lovely warm weather that is coming our way. I can't wait for warmer weather--to be able to go outside without a jacket--that would be a blessing! Lol!

2008-03-06T09:06:00.001-06:00

Well, I am very psyched about blogging. I've been experimenting with Photoshop and trying to be creative using computers. I was amazed at how much you can alter a picture using this program! Josh was kind enough to take some time last night and show me tricks and whatnot to make my pictures even more wild! :)

As usual, last night, I couldn't keep a secret and I asked if Josh would like his birthday gift right then or if he wanted to wait until morning. He was kind enough to open it then and...well, you will have to ask him what he got. And no, it was not the RAM (although it was a part of it). I'm hoping that he will enjoy playing with his toy.

Happy Birthday Josh!!!

2008-03-05T11:50:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is Joshy-Poo's 27th Birthday!!! Wow! I can't believe he was only 23 when we first started dating-it is so amazing how the time flies. Thankfully, Josh was able to get time off from work to relax at home and do whatever he wants to for his day. After I am done with work, we're having Jamie and Elliott over for Sushi and some birthday cake, although I'm not quite sure if that goes together. It pleases the both of us to try and find sneaky ways to hook them up together...hopefully it will go even better than last time! LOL!