Reagan Warren

Today, July 12th, 2010--our baby Reagan Warren went to be with Jesus. Some of you knew that we were expecting, and to others this is a total surprise.

I started to bleed significantly this morning and had an ultrasound this afternoon and found out that we miscarried. It has been an a trying day for us, to say the least--but God has been so faithful and full of grace! The healing process has already begun and both Josh and I know that little Reagan is with God and one day, we will get to meet him/her.

Physically, I'm okay. There's no complications and even the cramping is not bad. Emotionally, I think this will be a long journey. I know in my head that Reagan is in a better place and that he/she will never have to know suffering and pain-but I sure do miss him. Our hearts hurt and I'm not sure quite how to deal with that. There's been lots of tears already and I'm sure there will be more to come. The most important thing is that God be glorified in this, even though it is so painful and that we trust Him to know and do what is right and good. And He is good!

I think it will be hard to talk about the baby for awhile, but don't feel bad to talk to me about it--please. I won't say that I would love to talk about it, but I'm not against it. I don't know if that makes sense.

Anyways, thank you for all your prayers--those of you who have been with us along the way, and thank you to those of you that will be praying for us.

Shinae

My little Bella

My little Phoebe Bella was born on September 3rd, 2009 at 8:07pm! She weighed 10 pounds 1 1/2 ounces and was 20 inches long! I did a natural waterbirth and cannot imagine how much more difficult it would have been if I had not been in the water! Even after two weeks, it amazes me that Josh and I went through 19 hours of labor before Phoebe was born. She continues to delight us in ways we never dreamed of! Little Bella is such a beautiful baby in every way! I don't think we could think of anything to complain about--even after the glucose scare at her birth.
So, enough talking and here are some pictures of her!

Baby Shower

This picture is me at 32 weeks. I am getting HUGE! I've gained 30 pounds so far (and I'm at 34 weeks now) and getting bigger everyday--or so it seems! :) Our baby girl is growing so much; it is absolutely incredible how active she is--kicking and rolling around inside of me. She likes to wake me up at two hour intervals already--kicking and bouncing on my bladder and make me crave ice hour after hour. Hehe! I've been very thankful it hasn't been something horrible like candy bars or McDonalds! Then I would be a blimp!

Dee and Dana (Josh's family on his Dad's side--his step mom and step sister) threw a shower for Phoebe the last weekend in July. This was the BEST cake I have EVER tasted and the by far, the cutest! Thanks SO much, Dana! And thanks Dee, Martha, and Dana for ALL the work you put into it. We received so many wonderful gifts--we can't wait to try it out, even the diapers! And we got LOTS of those; I am NOT complaining. Diapers are EXPENSIVE!

Thanks also to Joy and Scott for hosting a BBQ at their house on Sunday! It was delicious and thank you Jenny and John; Jason, Jana and Hannah; Grammy; Aunt Annette; and Scott and Joy for all the gifts!

We can't wait! There's only 6 weeks left!

Week 30

Today is week 30. It's sad to say that I haven't written for almost 9 weeks!!! Ugh!

Time is soaring by and I can't believe that in 70 days, give or take a few, the little babe is gonna be here! There's still so much to do like washing all the clothes and blankets for her, packing, pre-registering for the hospitalization, showers, doctor's visits, packing suitcases...etc. Thankfully, there's still a bit of time between now and September.

I can't WAIT to see her and hold her. I've been daydreaming about what she's like and the care she is going to need and so far there's only been peace and excitement. I am so incredibly thankful that I'm not too worried about the labor...yet. The prospect of finally seeing the baby is outweighing the fear. All I'm hoping for is that she'll be a week early--I feel like I'm getting huge, perhaps like a whale or a hippo. Probably more like a hippo, since they waddle. :)

Josh and I are looking forward to seeing everyone this summer--no matter how short the visit may be. Hopefully we can all be together for Christmas, at least! Love you all!

21 Weeks

This is me at 18 weeks, but today, I'm at 21 weeks. I've been really bad about taking pictures of my belly. Hopefully someday soon I'll get it together and actually take one every week. It is simply crazy that we're half-way through the pregnancy--I am anxiously waiting to see what the baby looks like and really, I just want to hold her in my arms and cuddle. :) 40 weeks seems so close, yet soooo far off. There is so much to do between now and then.

The next big step is moving. Already my back is aching and knowing I still have majority of the packing to do seems overwhelming. I'm really thankful that Josh has been incredibly supportive of me doing only a little at a time. I'd rather be cleaning than packing, but I suppose that too, will come soon enough. Anna was very helpful on Saturday and helped me go through papers and load most of our books into boxes. Slowly but surely, things are getting done. It has been rather frustrating not being able to lift the way I used to. Things will be much easier once we're done moving and summer's here.

We had our sonogram last Wednesday. Our little girl is very very very active. During the ultrasound, we couldn't get her to lie still to even find out what the sex was. We had to poke and prod quite a bit to figure it out. Still, it was amazing to watch...and feel! She kicks an awful lot, especially when I'm driving in the car. My guess is she doesn't like the tight seatbelt, but who knows? It makes me smile when I can feel her--except when she's dancing on my bladder or kicking my organs. That doesn't feel so good.

Everything seems more real now, especially since we can call her by name and have seen that she's doing well. It was so neat to see that she's pretty much grown...actual arms and legs rather than buds, and eyes, nose and mouth. She's so beautiful! I am so happy that she has girl cousins so close in age to play with. It will be really fun when they're a little older and can play dress-up, giggle and laugh. I'm already looking forward to that. I will DEFINITELY need to get in the habit of using the camera by then. I don't want to forget or miss out on a thing!

I had a fun surprise yesterday. I bought a box of Golden Grams (they looked delicious on the shelf). So, for breakfast/lunch, I had 3 bowls of it! Anyways, as I was eating and looking at the box, there was a promotion (advertisement?) on the front saying, "You can be a cash prize winner--just look inside the box!" Of course, I excitedly took out the bag of cereal and looked and I found a $5.00 cash card inside. Yay! I NEVER win any prizes, so it totally made my day. It's not much, but it definitely covered the cost of my cereal. :)

18 Weeks

Josh and I went to our 18 week appointment yesterday. The last appointment was at 12 weeks--at that time we could barely hear the baby's heartbeat, but yesterday... WOW! His/her heartbeat was very strong!!! Yay, and it also relieved a lot of my fears and stress when the midwife assured me everything was going well and... that I'm normal.

I can hardly believe I'm in my 5th month already. Time is going by unbelievably fast, and there are days when I'm ready for the baby to be here; I am quite anxious to hold him/her in my arms and see what he/she looks like. I have guesses and feelings about the gender, but we shall see in two weeks. Originally, we had intended to wait until 22 weeks, but the midwife recommended that we do it at 20. It's so exciting that it hardly feels real. Then, there are of course my bad days--when I'm worrying about the health of the baby, or wondering if I will be a good mom. I'm sure every mother-to-be go through these anxieties, but sometimes knowing that isn't very comforting either.

I'm still sick almost everyday. The midwife was a little concerned about my lack of weight gain--oh well. Hopefully I won't be queasy too much longer. It's rather funny that I haven't gained weight, because I do get ravenously hungry every hour or so now adays. Once I'm done teaching, I will devote more time to the fridge and the grocery store. Which reminds me, I went to Kowalski's in Uptown on my way to pick up Josh. I had a grocery list in hand (I was quite surprised that I remembered it) and proceeded to go down every aisle to look for my items. Well, when I arrived at the check-out counter, to my surprise--I hadn't bought a single item on my list, but I had put items in my cart that sounded yummy to me at the time I passed them by. Needless to say, I bought them all (which ended up being rather expensive) and enjoyed myself immensely. I'm still not quite sure if that was a good or bad thing. Sigh. Hopefully, next time I will be able to control myself and buy only the things I need. :)

Well, I'll be sure to let you all know what the gender of the baby is in two weeks! We DO have names picked for both boys and girls, but I"m not sure if we're keeping it a secret or sharing. I guess we'll have to decide soon.

SCARY!

So, I'm at 14 weeks now. Totally excited about the 2nd trimester! But today's post is not about our precious little baby.

I've been taking Josh to work now for the past month or two--since the Audi went kaput! And, almost every morning (unless I am very hormonal and angry) we listen to KTLK on our way to Uptown. I hate politics, I hate thinking about it, and most of all I hate listening to it. Today on the Chris Baker's show, there was a very enlightening and frightening conversation. If this doesn't wake people up, I have NO IDEA what will.

MN state Senator Dick Day was on the show today and talked about how our (ahem) republican governor was "exploring" the idea regarding how to bring in more revenue for our illustrious state without raising income tax. Of course, the democratic state that MN is, we would want to follow the example of Oregon by legislating satellite devices into our cars so that we may be taxed on how many miles we drive. They not only want to legislate and monitor how much we drive, but they want to tell us where we can live (like we need to be within a certain mile radius from our work) and incrase property tax for the incompetent metro transit system (i.e. the $900 mil lightrail system that really doesn't help people that live in rural areas). So, bottom line? Goodbye freedom! Goodbye capitalism and hello socialism... and then some! 

Is this not scary enough for you? Well, let's move on to Washington. So, the Congress is voting to tax 90% of the bonus the certain individuals received from AIG. I don't know enough about AIG to say if these people deserve the bonuses... that's not the point. The money they received is money that they were contracted for. That means that legally, AIG was obligated to pay out that debt using whatever money they had. The government had not put any stipulations as to how AIG was supposed to use the bailout money. Now, if the president signs this bill and it goes through, then the government is using taxes as a punishment. By what right does the US government have to punish those who are receiving payment for a contract that was negotiated? How far will our government go to own us? They keep raising taxes, they bailout companies that should be going bankrupt (so that those companies in turn can raise their prices and cut jobs), and they spend OUR tax money like there is no tomorrow! It is a vicious, never-ending-circle that will not stop... that cannot stop until the government steps out of the private sector and stops spending money on useless things (like infrastructures...i.e. the bridge to nowhere). The president is supposed to protect and uphold the constitution and if he signs this, it is a clear violation of the constitution and he should be impeached! Not that it will change much, but it would be a step in the right direction!

Okay. That's enough ranting. My blood was boiling this morning and I just had to get it out. :) Thank goodness I have other things to occupy my thoughts.