Phoebe

Here's a few pics of Phoebe so far this summer. She is growing up soooo fast!

How Precious Is Your Steadfast Love

I've been really meditating on Psalm 36 the past few days--it has been such a comfort to me! I would like to share it with you all.

36:5-9 Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God; your judgments are like the great deep; man and beast you save, O LORD. How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.

My thoughts have been so scattered--coming and going--twirling like a whirlwind. I couldn't seem to focus and Iwasn't sure what to feel. When I found these verses, it was like an immediate silence came over and it calmed me. The Lord definitely led me to this passage to show me how great He is and that He is soverign over all things, including my pain and my loss. Because I kept asking God, "why?!"

The Lord has blessed us so abundantly--materially and spiritually! The Father sent His Son to be cruelly subjected to a death that I can't even imagine and yet, I would deny my child the grace of heaven. If the pregnancy wasn't going right and Reagan would have been born in pain, being with God is infinitely better than anything that we could have offered him/her here. My selfishness astounds me and shames me.

God, in His redemptive grace has changed my heart and my thoughts. I long, even more than I did, for Jesus' coming and the renewing of all things so that we may be all that we were meant to be, so that all our thoughts may be directed towards the good of others and to the glory of Christ. I have all that to look forward to as well as meeting Reagan.

Thank you all--family and friends--for your love and prayers. We have felt them and we thank God so much for all your support. It is SO good to know you are all here and how great must be the Father's love for us to be so blessed.

We love you!
Shinae

Reagan Warren

Today, July 12th, 2010--our baby Reagan Warren went to be with Jesus. Some of you knew that we were expecting, and to others this is a total surprise.

I started to bleed significantly this morning and had an ultrasound this afternoon and found out that we miscarried. It has been an a trying day for us, to say the least--but God has been so faithful and full of grace! The healing process has already begun and both Josh and I know that little Reagan is with God and one day, we will get to meet him/her.

Physically, I'm okay. There's no complications and even the cramping is not bad. Emotionally, I think this will be a long journey. I know in my head that Reagan is in a better place and that he/she will never have to know suffering and pain-but I sure do miss him. Our hearts hurt and I'm not sure quite how to deal with that. There's been lots of tears already and I'm sure there will be more to come. The most important thing is that God be glorified in this, even though it is so painful and that we trust Him to know and do what is right and good. And He is good!

I think it will be hard to talk about the baby for awhile, but don't feel bad to talk to me about it--please. I won't say that I would love to talk about it, but I'm not against it. I don't know if that makes sense.

Anyways, thank you for all your prayers--those of you who have been with us along the way, and thank you to those of you that will be praying for us.

Shinae

My little Bella

My little Phoebe Bella was born on September 3rd, 2009 at 8:07pm! She weighed 10 pounds 1 1/2 ounces and was 20 inches long! I did a natural waterbirth and cannot imagine how much more difficult it would have been if I had not been in the water! Even after two weeks, it amazes me that Josh and I went through 19 hours of labor before Phoebe was born. She continues to delight us in ways we never dreamed of! Little Bella is such a beautiful baby in every way! I don't think we could think of anything to complain about--even after the glucose scare at her birth.
So, enough talking and here are some pictures of her!

Baby Shower

This picture is me at 32 weeks. I am getting HUGE! I've gained 30 pounds so far (and I'm at 34 weeks now) and getting bigger everyday--or so it seems! :) Our baby girl is growing so much; it is absolutely incredible how active she is--kicking and rolling around inside of me. She likes to wake me up at two hour intervals already--kicking and bouncing on my bladder and make me crave ice hour after hour. Hehe! I've been very thankful it hasn't been something horrible like candy bars or McDonalds! Then I would be a blimp!

Dee and Dana (Josh's family on his Dad's side--his step mom and step sister) threw a shower for Phoebe the last weekend in July. This was the BEST cake I have EVER tasted and the by far, the cutest! Thanks SO much, Dana! And thanks Dee, Martha, and Dana for ALL the work you put into it. We received so many wonderful gifts--we can't wait to try it out, even the diapers! And we got LOTS of those; I am NOT complaining. Diapers are EXPENSIVE!

Thanks also to Joy and Scott for hosting a BBQ at their house on Sunday! It was delicious and thank you Jenny and John; Jason, Jana and Hannah; Grammy; Aunt Annette; and Scott and Joy for all the gifts!

We can't wait! There's only 6 weeks left!

Week 30

Today is week 30. It's sad to say that I haven't written for almost 9 weeks!!! Ugh!

Time is soaring by and I can't believe that in 70 days, give or take a few, the little babe is gonna be here! There's still so much to do like washing all the clothes and blankets for her, packing, pre-registering for the hospitalization, showers, doctor's visits, packing suitcases...etc. Thankfully, there's still a bit of time between now and September.

I can't WAIT to see her and hold her. I've been daydreaming about what she's like and the care she is going to need and so far there's only been peace and excitement. I am so incredibly thankful that I'm not too worried about the labor...yet. The prospect of finally seeing the baby is outweighing the fear. All I'm hoping for is that she'll be a week early--I feel like I'm getting huge, perhaps like a whale or a hippo. Probably more like a hippo, since they waddle. :)

Josh and I are looking forward to seeing everyone this summer--no matter how short the visit may be. Hopefully we can all be together for Christmas, at least! Love you all!

21 Weeks

This is me at 18 weeks, but today, I'm at 21 weeks. I've been really bad about taking pictures of my belly. Hopefully someday soon I'll get it together and actually take one every week. It is simply crazy that we're half-way through the pregnancy--I am anxiously waiting to see what the baby looks like and really, I just want to hold her in my arms and cuddle. :) 40 weeks seems so close, yet soooo far off. There is so much to do between now and then.

The next big step is moving. Already my back is aching and knowing I still have majority of the packing to do seems overwhelming. I'm really thankful that Josh has been incredibly supportive of me doing only a little at a time. I'd rather be cleaning than packing, but I suppose that too, will come soon enough. Anna was very helpful on Saturday and helped me go through papers and load most of our books into boxes. Slowly but surely, things are getting done. It has been rather frustrating not being able to lift the way I used to. Things will be much easier once we're done moving and summer's here.

We had our sonogram last Wednesday. Our little girl is very very very active. During the ultrasound, we couldn't get her to lie still to even find out what the sex was. We had to poke and prod quite a bit to figure it out. Still, it was amazing to watch...and feel! She kicks an awful lot, especially when I'm driving in the car. My guess is she doesn't like the tight seatbelt, but who knows? It makes me smile when I can feel her--except when she's dancing on my bladder or kicking my organs. That doesn't feel so good.

Everything seems more real now, especially since we can call her by name and have seen that she's doing well. It was so neat to see that she's pretty much grown...actual arms and legs rather than buds, and eyes, nose and mouth. She's so beautiful! I am so happy that she has girl cousins so close in age to play with. It will be really fun when they're a little older and can play dress-up, giggle and laugh. I'm already looking forward to that. I will DEFINITELY need to get in the habit of using the camera by then. I don't want to forget or miss out on a thing!

I had a fun surprise yesterday. I bought a box of Golden Grams (they looked delicious on the shelf). So, for breakfast/lunch, I had 3 bowls of it! Anyways, as I was eating and looking at the box, there was a promotion (advertisement?) on the front saying, "You can be a cash prize winner--just look inside the box!" Of course, I excitedly took out the bag of cereal and looked and I found a $5.00 cash card inside. Yay! I NEVER win any prizes, so it totally made my day. It's not much, but it definitely covered the cost of my cereal. :)